It's All JARVIS' Fault
by Blood Dahlia
Summary: Peter tries to sneak out for a date, and it all seems to go to hell from there. (There's some angst here, but it all ends up okay!)


**Hello my lovelies! Here's another spideypool one shot that I wrote. There is some angst, BUT THERE'S A HAPPY ENDING! I promise!**

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Peter loved Tony and Steve to death, he really did. He considered the two to be paternal figures, and put them in the positions that his father and Uncle Ben had held when they were still alive. They were both wonderful and caring, always making time to see him, and Tony had offered Peter a job (read: forced Peter to work) when he saw his genius, saving him from a poor college student's life.

There was a downside, though. They were a bit…overprotective. They never voiced it, but they were both of the opinion that no one was good enough for Peter. Whenever someone, superhero or regular person, male or female, had made a pass at the teenager, they had quickly found themselves being chased off by Captain America or Iron Man (and on occasions, both of them).

Peter had tried to tell the two of them to lay off it, that he could get rid of flirtatious people quite fine by himself. Tony had just called him cute before setting him to work on some blueprints. Steve was similarly infuriating, giving Peter his famous, dazzling grin and patting his shoulder. Peter had sighed, giving up easily. It wasn't as if he could do anything about it if the others didn't want to stop—it was freaking Captain America and Iron Man. No one told them 'no.'

That's how Peter found himself in this situation, heart pounding in his chest and eyes darting around, as he tried to sneak out for a date.

Him and his date had painstakingly planned a time for when both Steve and Tony would be out of the Tower and Peter could sneak out. The teenager had begged JARVIS not to tell Tony where he was going, and the AI had actually been extremely willing to do so. He had even offered to show Peter where Tony hid the condoms and lube, turning the teenager's face a tomato red.

Peter adjusted his glasses, looking around the empty gym nervously. He had just finished his mandatory daily workout, and was about to leave for his date. Logan and Luke were still somewhere here, and the last thing he needed was those two to ruin his date by either telling Steve or stalking him throughout the duration of it.

He was starting to feel confident as he neared the elevator. Maybe they were in the showers, or were back in their roo—

"Where ya goin', kid?"

Peter let out an undignified squawk , hands flailing. He nearly dropped his backpack, just managing to catch it before it hit the ground. He gave Logan a sheepish grin.

The man raised an eyebrow, setting down the weights he'd been lifting.

"Why do you look so guilty?" Logan asked suspiciously, crossing his arms over his chest.

Peter looked at him with bright, innocent eyes. "I don't know," he lied. He shrank under Logan's pointedly raised eyebrow. It didn't really matter how innocent he looked when there was a mutant in the room who could literally hear the lie.

"What did you do?" the Canadian asked shortly, standing next to Peter.

"I didn't do anything," Peter said defensively, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. He tried to walk over to the elevator, but Logan grabbed Peter's arm in a vicelike grip. "Hey!"

"Logan, what are you doing?" Luke sighed heavily when he entered the room, drenched in sweat.

"_He's _the one doing something," Logan retorted. "He's actin' all squirrely and lyin' 'bout where he's goin'."

"He is technically an adult," Luke pointed out, gulping deeply from his water bottle. "He's allowed to go where he wants."

"No he ain't," Logan grumbled. Louder, he said, "JARVIS, where's Peter going?"

_"To a date, sir," _JARVIS' smooth voice answered Logan.

Peter let out a disbelieving cry at the AI's betrayal, while matching, evil grins crawled onto Luke and Logan's faces. _Fuck._

"I hate you, JARVIS," he hissed.

"_I am aware, Master Parker," _the other responded, sounding way, way too smug for a robot.

"A date," Logan said, slowly and deliberately.

"I didn't know the Amazing Spiderman even dated," Luke said. He clapped Peter on his shoulder, making the teenager wince. "Who's the lucky girl?"

Peter felt a twinge in his chest, but he easily hid it from Logan with his embarrassment.

That was why he was sneaking out (not that he wouldn't be he hiding even if it was just a regular date): the person he was going to meet wasn't a girl.

He was 96% sure that his teammates were fine with homosexuality. He'd seen them act around gay and lesbian couples normally at Tony's parties, and they never let out any homophobic slurs.

Peter was still afraid, though. They might be opposed to actually having to live with a gay person, someone who was around pretty much 24/7. Some of his college friends who had come out to their parents, seeing that they were fine with other gay people, had been disowned and shunned.

Steve was his biggest concern. The time he had grown up wasn't that open, to put it nicely, and Peter was almost sure that he would be disgusted. It would break his heart if he heard his almost-dad tell him how disappointed he was.

"Not tellin'," Peter grumbled, pulling out his phone and typing a few quick commands. He was going to make sure JARVIS wouldn't be able to tell the others who his date was before he did, that stupid piece of oversized calculator-

"C'mon," Logan pressed, chuckling. "This is the first girlfriend you've had since that redhead-"

"Mary Jane," Peter corrected him with a sigh, typing the last few commands into his phone, ignoring the 'please stop or you'll be in big trouble, mister' messages JARVIS was sending him at the top of the screen. "And yeah, there was Gwen."

Logan looked at him blankly.

"The blonde one."

"Oh, right."

"What he's trying to say," Luke entered the conversation before Logan got sidetracked, "Is that you haven't dated anyone in a while, so we're curious."

"Tell us or we'll tell Steve and Tony," Logan threatened knowingly.

"How do you know I haven't told him?" Peter huffed, putting his phone back in his pocket.

"They sure as hell wouldn't let you go on a date." _Oh, now you're gonna play smart._

"I'm nineteen, I can go on a date if I want," he snapped back, pushing the button for the elevator. It opened immediately, JARVIS having already called it up.

"What, is she ugly?" Luke taunted him.

Unthinkingly, Peter took the bait. "No, he isn't."

All three of them froze.

Panicking, Peter dove into the elevator. Luke and Logan tried to jump into it also, but JARVIS slammed the door shut.

"Goddammit," he groaned, banging his head repeatedly on the wall.

"_You're welcome, Master Parker."_

_"_You're the one who told them where I was going, so shut it," Peter said, flipping off the ceiling.

The elevator dinged as it slowed to a stop, the doors opening. Peter adjusted his backpack on his shoulder before turning around and entering the lobby, passing the work-enthralled receptionist.

"PARKER!"

Peter looked behind him and saw Luke and Logan sprinting out of the stairwell, still in their workout clothes. Cursing, he pushed passed the doorman and out into the street, sprinting through the crowds. He could vaguely hear Logan and Luke rushing after him, before the two superheroes were jumped by the paparazzi and fans that always seemed to be camped out at their doorstep.

Peter slowed down a few blocks later, going down to a light jog before walking the rest of the way to the coffee shop his boyfriend loved. The teenager knew that it didn't have anything to do with the coffee, but with the bright and lively colours that covered the walls and chairs.

The forever-stoned barista recognized Peter as soon as he walked in, waving at him happily before readying his and Wade's usual drinks.

"How are you today, Pete-y?" he asked cheerily, leaning against the counter.

"Real shitty, thanks," Peter said in the same tone, dropping some crumpled dollar bills onto the counter.

The smile dropped off his face, a sympathetic frown taking up his face as he gave Peter back his change. "Aw, what happened?" he asked, pouring the coffee into two to-go cups.

"My roommates found out I'm gay," Peter sighed, burying his head in his crossed arms.

"Is that good or bad?" the other asked with a frown, putting two brownies in a small bag.

"I actually don't know," Peter chuckled dryly, picking up the drinks and putting the brownies in his backpack. "I ran before they could say anything." The barista joined in the chuckling before sobering.

"Do you want me to slip some vodka into your coffee for the road?" he offered sincerely, reaching underneath the counter.

"No, no, I'm fine," Peter assured him. "Though if I don't show up for a few days..." He waved his hand in the air before leaving the cafe.

Wade's apartment was only a few blocks away, in a tall brick building. Peter unlocked the front door with his copy of Wade's key, trudging tiredly up the four flights of stairs to get to the right floor.

"Hi, Mrs. Winters," he greeted the elderly neighbor as he passed her, who waved back at him before shuffling to the elevator.

"Do you need any help?" he offered, watching her nervously.

"No, no," she assured him in her heavy accent. "You go with Wade. Have fun."

Peter gave her a lopsided grin, balancing the coffees in one hand and slipping the key into the lock. He called out a goodbye to Mrs. Winters before closing the door and entering the apartment.

Wade was lounging on the couch watching TV, wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants and his rolled up mask. He rolled himself up into a sitting position when he heard Peter enter the apartment, turning around and giving him a big smile.

"Hey, babe," he said as Peter walked up to him.

Peter mumbled a greeting, toeing off his shoes. He pulled out the brownies after he had set the drinks down on the coffee table. He shucked off his pants, for comfort, and threw himself next to Wade, curling his arms tightly around his muscular midsection.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?" Wade asked around a mouthful of brownie, hugging his boyfriend back. He tilted the smaller boy's head up so their eyes met.

Peter lowered his gaze. "Logan and Luke found out I'm gay," he muttered, feeling Wade freeze under him.

"Are you okay?" he asked urgently, forcing Peter to look at him again. "What did they say?"

"I panicked and ran before they said anything," Peter admitted while Wade pet the top of his head. "But it was probably bad. They chased me into the lobby, but I managed to lose them outside. Is it okay if I stay with you for a few days? I don't wanna see them right now."

"Oh, Peter," Wade groaned, hugging his boyfriend tighter. "You can stay as long as you like, you know that. This is your apartment, too." Peter gave him a watery smile, reaching up to press a kiss to Wade's lips.

They stayed lounging on the couch for hours, watching TV and cuddling with each other. Wade held his boyfriend close, cracking rude and dirty jokes as usual, but there was a solemn sense to them.

The boxes in his head were demanding that he go and kick those asshole Avengers' asses as revenge for hurting his little Spidey, but he knew that he couldn't do that right now. He had to be a good boyfriend right now and make his boyfriend feel loved and comforted, keep him on the couch in his arms so he didn't have to deal with the rest of the world.

But eventually, Peter's phone started buzzing with text messages from his team, and he knew that if he didn't get home soon, they'd send out a search team and tear up the town.

"I should go," he said to Wade defeatedly. He pushed himself off of his boyfriend's chest, putting his pants on.

Wade pouted. "Can't we just keep the pants off a bit longer?" he begged. "And make out a little? And do the nasty?"

Peter chuckled, giving him a heated kiss. "Tomorrow, okay? I gotta get home before Steve or Tony freak out." He grabbed Wade's hands before they grabbed his backside and slid them off him, pressing a few kisses to his knuckles. "Tomorrow. I don't have to patrol that night, and no one'll know I'm gone. Then I'm all yours."

Wade grinned widely. "Can't wait," he purred, sending goosebumps rushing over Peter's skin.

"Stop it, you pedophile."

"Hey, I waited until your eighteenth birthday to bang your brains out! I only made out with you when you were seventeen!"

Peter rolled his eyes, slinging his bag over his shoulder. He peered out the window, assessing whether he should just change into his costume and swing his way home. Nah, that was too much work when the tower was still so close. But, he would be able to just go straight to his room and avoid talking to his teammates for another few minutes.

"Just go," Wade said encouragingly, making another grab at his boyfriend. "Call me and tell me how it goes."

"I will," Peter agreed, kissing the top of Wade's masked boyfriend before leaving the apartment.

The whole time he walked to the Stark Tower, his mind was screaming for him to go the other way and hide at Wade's. He just kept on seeing Steve's 'Captain-America's-disappointed-with-you-son' face staring at him in his head, and it was setting his teeth on edge.

The lobby was mostly empty at this time. The doorman and receptionist politely welcomed him back before he entered the stairwell, dragging his feet up every stair.

Peter hesitantly peeked his head around the corner, seeing the team lounging around the living room, laughing and eating pizza. They all looked up as soon as he walked in, and he stopped moving, eyes going wide to resemble a deer in the headlights.

"Um," he said, faltering. "Hi?"

"You were talking too long," Jessica supplied after she swallowed, "so we started eating without you."

"Uh, thanks, but I'm not hungry," he lied. "So I'm just gonna...yeah..." He slipped out of the room, hurrying to his own.

As soon as he was in, he threw his bag in the corner and face planted onto his bed, groaning loudly. This was going to be horrible. Logan and Luke had been staring at him pointedly, and he knew, just _knew_, that they had told Steve and Tony. Of course they had; they were obligated to tell them about things that might jeopardize the team.

And there it was. The dreaded knocking at his door of Tony and Steve coming in to tell him he's kicked off the team.

"Peter? Can we come in?"

Peter let out a muffled grunt, which Tony considered to be a 'yes.' He opened the door and he and Steve entered the room. Peter felt the bed dip as they both sat down next to him. Someone, he guessed Steve, was running his hand through Peter's hair in a soothing, repetitive motion.

"Luke and Logan told us," Tony told him gently.

"I figured," Peter whimpered, burying his head farther into his pillow. "I'm sorry."

The hand stilled momentarily on his head. "Peter, there's nothing to be sorry about," Steve said, sounding startled as he resumed smoothing down Peter's hair.

Peter raised his head so he could peek over his pillow at Steve. "But...aren't you two going to kick me off the team?"

"That is _never _going to happen," Tony said firmly, reaching out for Peter's hand. "I don't know who the hell gave you such a ridiculous idea, but we'll love you no matter what."

The look of sincerity on Steve's face-so different from the disappointed face that had plagued Peter's mind for the past weeks-was what made Peter choke up. He clinged to Steve and Tony and sobbed into their shoulders as they stroked his back, whispering loving and soothing words.

Eventually, Peter managed to pull himself together enough to join the rest of the team, who were watching a crappy movie. He was wedged between Jessica, who made him lay his head on her shoulder, and Tony, who got bored of not having enough room and yanked Peter's legs up into his lap.

A half hour into the movie, Logan spoke up.

"So, you still didn't tell us who you're datin'."

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**Thank you for reading! I love you all!**


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